BDSM Forum & Sex Forum & Chastity Belt Forum

Hi guys,

im very new to this dominatrix thing.my boss told me he want me to dominiate him..... i need some pointers.. HELP!! what do i do?

Hi Jenny:

My advice would be to read my eHow article, "How To Be a Dominatrix," at eHow.com.

"Reinforcement Training" is pretty simple. There are about a dozen "training positions" described in detail in the book, "The Art of Sensual Female Dominance," by Claudia Varrin. Aside from your own attire and a good stiff crop (whip), as a minimum what you will need for him is a collar, a couple of leashes, and a genital harness. The leashes can attach to either the collar or the harness. These don't have to be leather, but they should be black. He can purchase the collar and leashes at a good pet supply store. The genital harness can be purchased on-line from a website like at spicesforlove.com.

There are additional chest harnesses, ball gags and bit gags, wrist and ankle cuffs (restraints), spreader bars, etc. etc. etc. that you can buy on-line as you add to your equipment bag, or toy chest.

If you prefer, rather than buy a genital harness, you can simply use a good chastity device, like the CB6000, or something similar, and clip your leash to that.

Remember, this is about control. What he realizes that he wants and needs is a "power exchange" with you. Like most men, he realizes that he is weak-willed, especially when it comes to sex, and so he needs a confident, strong-willed woman to calmly get control of him. He wants and needs to be trained and controlled, teased but denied.

Training a male is about 75 percent positive reinforcement, and 25 percent negative reinforcement. Repeatedly tell him he's a "good boy," when he obeys and does something right. He will come to live for that little verbal reward from you. But, never hesitate to reprimand and correct him when he falls short of your expectations.

When administering correction or negative reinforcement, there are several things to remember. Always tell him what he did wrong immediately, and let your voice convey your disapproval and impatience with his actions. Don't ever ignore his little failures, or let him get away with minor infractions. Finally, during Reinforcement Training, always punctuate your correction with a good swift stroke of your crop across his backside or thighs. These strokes should be hard enough to be a deterrent to repeating the infraction.

In many ways, men are like children. Reward them when they are good, and punish them when they are not. Set clear guidelines for them, put your foot down firmly, and let them know exactly what you expect of them, and they will be little dears. But remember, they are devious, sneaky and not to be trusted.

My advice is to keep their little thingies locked up. Get a good, reliable chastity device, and then, as a reward, only let them out of it for short periods of pleasure, but never more than once a week.

Also, check out the book, "The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance," by Mistress Lorelei. Also, buy the book "Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders," by Lucy Fairbourne.

All this is good advice for ALL women. Its not about "pretending" to be a Dominatrix. Its simply about learning how to deal with men in a successful manner.

Jenny,

LCM's comment is quite comprehensive. Read every word. The bigger part of the development is your development as a sadistic woman. For many women it goes against their upbringing to impose physical restraints on their partner and to administer physical pain. You must learn to accept and enjoy that role. To do that you must make it work for you. Develop a model of behavior that you want for your partner to have and train him to be what you want.

I want to be a Goddess with a partner who serves me by caring for my wants and needs and by doing a majority of the household tasks. I reward him by wearing fetish items when we go out together and sometimes around the house, by daily restraints such as locking collars and male chastity devices 9sle see LCM's post), by regular period of bondage or sessions when I punish his body and take him to higher levels of submission.

We have grown much as a couple since I became more dominant. At this point, I do not ever want to be a vanilla wife again. I plan to further develop my dominance. It makes for a great life.

Aberrant Goddess

My advice...
Demand a raise!

Dear Jenny:

To each her own, but I'm not in agreement with Aberrant Goddess's comment about becoming a "sadistic woman."

Control of the male in your life is not about being sadistic. Its about tough love. If you want him to be a loyal, faithful male, you must get control of his base urges and his sexually addictive tendencies. Once you have done that, once you have complete control of his sexual urges, once you have him sexually focused on you, and you alone, then he will be happy, contented and compliant.

The desire to have a happy, obedient male in your life is not aberrant. It's normal. Being an independent dominant woman with a happy, contented, loyal, chastised and obedient male, who is loyal to you, is NOT some kind of fetish or an aberration. Some males can be controlled by very subtle, almost invisible means. Women have known this for eons.

Other males may require more extreme and overt measures to get them under control, especially in this age when there are so many more temptations out there, and so many males have so little ability to resist those temptations. So, if controlling your male requires more extreme measures, then use them. But don't overdo it.

Its not about extracting pain from some poor dumb male. Its simply about requiring nothing less than his complete focus, attention, obedience, love and loyalty.

IMO. -- Lisa

Jenny,

Let me not disagree with Lisa, but let me restate that it has been much tougher to develop me as a dominant woman than it was to develop my little hubby man to accept the treatment ("pain" or "control") that goes with those behaviors. Work on your self-image and then act out that image.

Yet this development cannot be done in a vacuum. Your development should match the needs and situation of those who you wish to dominate.

On a new topic: How does this fit in within your job? Egad! You and he are there to work and are paid to work. Maybe that comment from your boss was not a serious comment.

Aberrant Goddess

Jenny34DD registered almost two months ago, posted a totally improbable story (boss wanting to be Dommed by an employee? Humph) that same day and has has been completely inactive since then. Coupled with the total lack of personal details, this leads me to believe that "Jenny" is a troll or at least a fake.